Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
