i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
