I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
