We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
