How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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