no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
