you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
