We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
