we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
