Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
