Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
