i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
