3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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