On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i think i just lost a toe
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
