She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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