My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
