We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
