Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
