we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
