the condom got lost in my hair
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
