I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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