My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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