I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize