the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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