gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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