dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
