you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
