Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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