I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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