look no pants
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
