yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
