guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
