why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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