its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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