i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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