just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize