I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
