considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
