I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
