I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
