Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
