It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
