they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
