guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
