I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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