I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
