She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize