I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
