Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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