what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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