Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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