Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
