Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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