Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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