sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
