Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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