My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
