Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
