found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
