oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
