i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
