Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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