i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
