I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
