I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
