he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
