Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
