i think my tv is drunk
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
