The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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